what makes me here after 10 years?
never ever thought that here will be the place (as for now) i choose, a social media that is by now almost forgotten by many, but just nice for me to burst my feelings and thoughts publicly yet not to everyone's knowing.
and what's even ridiculous is after 10 freaking years, i am back here missing the same person but couldn't confess, still. many years back, i thought i had successfully let go...however, i am totally wrong! when we met and hang out and especially starting to exchange messages again, all the memories were back. it took me awhile to realise the current you that i am texting is not the one back then. that time i couldn't explain to you the difference. till now, i still have difficulties to express my feeling in words. to make it simple and direct, it's heartbroken to come to realise that i am no longer the one you used to concern, the one you used to care.... you don't love me anymore. (yes, i felt so loved by you back then and i was really really happy and blissful). anyways, i should've knew it since i hurt you so bad but somehow we failed to trace the unhappy event. i've cornered all the bad memories about us and what's left in me was all the sweet memories. but to you, it's more like you've gone through a reformat. when i knew you didn't seem to recall most of our stuff, i could confirm it's all over. it will never be the same again.
you may think i was silly to feel sad....well, perhaps all these while it could be me misunderstood your genuine friendship as special feelings. my bad to misinterpret the friendship. it took me so long to discover that i've fallen in love with someone i shouldn't.
sorry for being a coward, for not able to confess my true feeling. i want to and actually i have the courage to do so but considering your situation now, i don't see a point of me telling you since you have your special one by your side. your choice is pretty obvious, moreover, right now i am nobody to you. which is why i always end up struggling with my unstable emotion. the dilemma of confessing. and there will be times that i will deeply missing you just like now, wanting so much to hug you and text you to let you know but ....... i am so aware that it's not the right thing to do. it won't help instead things will turn complicated and awkward. i cannot afford to lose you for the second time. i shall just stay silent and keep it to myself.
*written few days ago. decided to create new one.
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